How To Be More Patient
Why is patience so hard for us humans?
Why do we lose it way more often than we want to?
If you tend to get angry way too quickly. Or find yourself with a short attention span or frustrated that the people in your life are doing things way too slowly or incorrectly according to your standards, then lean in a little closer, because today we are talking about something that is rare and valuable my friends - PATIENCE.
Showing patience means that we can live in a moment of uncertainty - and be okay with it. Which our brains are not. We want certainty. And we want our own way. Faith Habits can help us learn more patience - which is the way of Jesus.
If you could use a supersized dose of patience - then you are going to love today’s episode. I think it is a helpful one for all of us - including me!
INTRO
The Stanford Marshmallow Experiment was a series of studies on delayed gratification in the late 1960s and early 1970s. Children were offered a choice between one marshmallow immediately or two marshmallows if they waited about 15 minutes before eating it. The tester would leave the room so the child had to face the temptation alone and see if they could exercise enough patience to wait. In follow-up studies, the researchers found that the children who could wait longer for the two marshmallows tended to have better life outcomes in their education, health, job performance, and personal relationships.
But waiting it hard...excruciating when you are a kid and there is a sugary, fluffy, delicious marshmallow just laying there staring at you. Countless research shows us that when given a choice, all animals, humans included, are inclined to favour short-term rewards over long-term rewards. Even with all the evidence that there are so many benefits for those who can hold out for long term rewards.
We are not naturally patient creatures. From the time we are born we do not want to wait for anything. We want the world to go at our pace and meet our needs. We are supposed to get better at being patient as we get older and mature….how’s that going for you?
Man, sometimes, I am just not patient.
There are days that I am running late and I swear I hit every single red light or hit every single road under construction. There are times I order something from a store and it doesn’t show up, and when I call they tell me they lost the order, then I reorder the item and it doesn’t show up, and then I call and they tell me it is on backorder, then I reorder the item and it doesn’t show up and they tell me it was returned to sender……at which point I am ready to tell them where they can send their item….
There are days that my kids say, “MOM” so many times that I eventually need to go crawling into the bathroom and lock the door and stuff towels under it so that they can’t find a way to sneak in under the door…..There are days my internet is not fast enough, my phone does not have enough memory for pictures, and the new episode of my favorite show is not on Netflix yet.
There are days the pizza man does not deliver that pizza fast enough….the pizza I ordered on my phone, paid for with a digital number that I could type in an instant for a pizza that was made to my exact specifications, and then DRIVEN to my doorstep and hand delivered….how much easier could it be?
There are days that I am impatient with the people I love most. There are days that I am impatient with myself. Patience is the capacity to tolerate a delay,
It is the ability to self-suffer a bit without getting angry or upset
Patience shows remarkable endurance, calmness, and stability
Patience is persistent courage in trying circumstances
Your patience quota is your level of endurance before you lose it and become negative. You start to grumble and complain. Maybe you get sarcastic. Maybe you yell. Maybe you shut down.
Impatience is not a decision, it is an emotion. You feel impatient with someone. Do you struggle with impatience? Do you keep wondering why everyone does not “get with it?”
Patience is not natural. Your natural pace is what is natural. Your natural instinct is to assume that your pace is the pace by which all people ought to operate. By which all paces should be judged.
You think he’s impatient and he thinks you are slow. She thinks you should be moving up the company faster and you feel pressured.We all have a pace in which we naturally move and when others are not in step with that pace, we get impatient.
Patience means we don’t expect everyone else to live according to our agenda and time table. Why is patience important for us? Why is it a Faith Habit. Well, Scripture talks quite a bit about this area. Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
God is patient, so patience is important to God. Patience is something God desires for us. Galatians 5 lists patience as an attribute of Godly living. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.
Patience is evidence - Public Evidence To ALL - that you are living led by the Holy Spirit.
Patience is slowing down to other people’s speed rather than expecting them to go your own. Come back to me if you were multitasking there. Here this - Patience is slowing down to other people’s speed rather than expecting them to go your own.
When my kids were toddlers they would say , “Mommy, slow down, you are walking too fast for me to keep up with you.” And I am reminded I must slow to their pace rather than expect them to go at mine.
After all, I was the grown up. It was my job to slow down for them. I have to confess that all my children are now fast walkers and their friends at school complain that they are walking too fast. Mom fail.
Here’s the the thing about patience…..it is an intentional choice to do less…
Patience is choosing to do less than you are capable of for the sake of keeping in step with someone else.
Patience is how we show love.
I Corinthians 13:4 - Love is patient
Ephesians 4:2 - Be patient, bearing with one another in love
Maybe this is one of the most serious signs of hurry sickness and impatience in our culture today - the diminished capacity to love. Love and hurry are fundamentally incompatible. Love always takes time and patience. Love, as expressed through patience, never pressures another person to speed up in order to satisfy a desire to move at one’s natural pace. Love defers to the pace of the other.
Love allows for as much time, space, and margin as the other person needs.
Love never says, “If you love me, you will step it up.” Love says, “Because I love you, I will gear it down. I will go at your pace.” Patience is a way of putting the other person first. Patience is an expression of valuing that person and showing love.
Patience says “Your pace, not mine.”
Patience is a decision to PAUSE rather than PUSH. (x2)
One of the ways we grow in patience is to slow down. There is actually a Spiritual Discipline called Slowing. This discipline is one that we can practice that intentionally makes us slow down and pause rather than push.
This discipline is a great faith habit to help build patience because instant living gives way to impatience. If you want to become a person of patience, you must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life. You must practice. That might look like intentionally Listening to all the ideas in the room. Slowing your roll to have a conversation about the weekend rather than work. Getting in the longest line at the grocery store. Parking in the furthest parking spot. Getting there early to wait for pick up. Making your pizza instead of ordering it! Anything that takes more time instead of less time to build up our patience muscles. This is a Faith Habit that will serve you well at work, in your relationships, and in life.
Can you imagine what your life would look like if you decided more often to PAUSE rather than PUSH?What would your relationships, your health, your family, your work look like if you were able to wait longer when under strain before you complained?
Ask God how you should practice slowing down to build your patience….In fact you can ask God that right now. Where should I pause instead of push? Oh God, grow me to be your person of patience. Amen.
